I woke up as soon as my alarm went off, I lay in bed and thought about what I was going to do.
All I kept thinking was, he hasn't asked me to go with him, maybe he doesn't mind, maybe if I just stay in bed he will go without me.
BUT...I screamed at myself in my head and said NO, you are going with him for support and you are going to show yourself you can do it too.
So I got out of bed and got dressed, I walked into the kitchen and the shocked look on my dads face said it all. He said what are you doing up so early (7am), I replied, I'm going with you. He looked so happy and in return that helped push me a little bit more.
I had a quick breakfast and watched Youtube videos to keep my mind from wondering.
The closer we got to leaving, the worse my anxiety got. I didn't take a Xanex because I needed to do this on my own.
I managed to get in the car, shaking at this point. I put my head phones in and listened to music with my eyes shut. I tried focus on the music and to forget I was even in the car. Dad didn't mind this because he know what I am like with my anxiety.
Eventually after driving for about 30 minutes I calmed down slightly. The closer we got to the hospital the less anxious I was.
When we got there I felt relieved. We were out of the hospital within 2 hours.
I didn't get anxious like I usually do, when I have to stay in one place for too long.
We headed back home, on the way we stopped in Burger King and dad bought us food.
I was in such a good mood at this point, not only because I was getting food, but I was proud of myself for facing my fear.
My dad kept thanking me for going with him, this just added to my good mood, because I was happy I could give him the support and company he asked for.
Travelling home I didn't feel as scared as I did when I was driving to Dublin, probably because I knew I was going home.
When we got home, I chilled for a few hours watching the new episode of Pretty Little Liars.
Later we collected my mam and went for a coffee in Costa. We sat in and had a great chat, it is little things like this that really make me feel good.
That evening we watched Ireland beat Italy in the Euros, it was so funny. Myself and my dad sat in the sitting room screaming at the TV like any other supporter. The adrenaline I had was unreal, it almost felt like my anxiety, but I knew it was from the excitement.
That night I lay in bed and watched a new show called Guilt, it was actually quite good and they are only on episode 2 so I didn't have much to catch up on. I started suffering with another bad headache and chest pains so I decided to go to sleep.
I'm definitely proud of what I accomplished today, although it seems small and silly, it means a lot to me. I have to travel to college on Monday to collect some of my work, so that will also be another hard test I will have to face, but I am trying to stay positive and I'm hoping it will go smoothly like today.
For anyone out there reading this that suffers with anxiety, push yourself, try and face your fears no matter how big or small they are. It won't be an easy thing to do, but the proud feeling at the end is worth it.
The more we face our fears, the less we will be scared of them when we face them again.
Thank you for reading,
Love
Tanya
xxx
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