Road To Recovery Day 16-20: Nightmares and Youtube

Last week I took a little break from my blog as I had other work I needed to focus on.

So I thought instead of updating 4 days worth of posts I thought I would just do a summary of main things that happened over the week.

Last week was pretty much my normal routine, but I did have some pretty bad days.

I had a few anxiety attacks during the week, and most of them I didn't understand why I had them. During those days I just chilled and tried to keep my mind from wondering off and thinking about things that would make the anxiety worse.

One morning I started having a panic attack in my sleep, and I woke up crying and I couldn't breath. I was actually having a nightmare about college and in the dream I was having a panic attack and so I actually had one while I was asleep. Honestly this has NEVER happened to me before, I was in total shock that it had happened. That night I was actually afraid to go to sleep because I thought the same thing would happen again, but thankfully it didn't.

Another morning I woke up and I generally just felt crap, for the whole day I just kept thinking horrible things about myself and my future. I ended up playing the Sims for the day just so I would be totally engrossed in something, that I couldn't think about anything else just the game.  

On the bright side I still had some good days, I filmed a video for my Youtube channel and after I finished it I couldn't stop smiling, I was just so happy that I managed to do something productive with my day.
Editing the was even more fun, I literally sat in the kitchen from 11am until 8pm just working on the video and drinking coffee.

During the weekend myself and James just stayed in my house and watched movies.

After my experience with the anxiety attack in my dream, I realised that college is definitely a trigger. I need to figure out a way to deal with it so I can move on from it. 

I am still taking anti anxiety medication, but to be honest I think it is doing more harm than good. I have a follow up with my doctor in July, so I am going to talk to them to see if maybe I could come off the tablets.

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx