Today was another productive day, I got up early and filmed another make-up video.
I really have been feeling pretty motivated the past 3 days and it feels amazing, because it's been a while since I fully felt pure motivation to get work done!
After filming my video, myself and James went into town for a coffee. When we were finish, James heading off and I went home to do some blog work, still feeling that motivation!
I spent maybe 2 hours working at home on my blog. My dad invited me to go get a coffee with him and to do a little bit of food shopping.
I ended up getting a decaf mocha because I already had my coffee, and I hate when I get caffeine headaches, not fun!
Later in the night I began to get very anxious and I felt like I was having little panic attacks. My dad has an appointment in Dublin tomorrow morning and he asked me to go with him.
I automatically began to feel my chest get really tight and my heart was racing!
I didn't really give him an answer, which made me feel horrible. I want to go with him to keep him company, but I'm terrified!
I am not a great traveller because of my anxiety, and I try to avoid going anywhere far so I don't get anxious.
When I was in my last few weeks in college my anxiety while travelling was so bad, I had to take Xanex just to get on the train.
For me travelling in a car is worse than getting a train!
I fought with myself for the rest of the night, telling myself that this is the perfect chance to face my anxiety and to show myself I can do it. On the other side my anxiety and doubt where telling me not to go.
After all the stress I put on myself over this little decision I made myself feel sick, I had a splitting headache and my chest was very sore.
I ended up going to bed very early, I felt that sick.
I will try get up early in the morning and see how I feel about the situation then, I just hope I can do it for him.
Thank you for reading,
Love,
Tanya
xxx
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