Road To Recovery: Insomnia, Jobs & Emotions!

I recently finished my last script of my anxiety medication, I am so happy to be finally free from them!
I had a few withdrawal symptoms, like headaches and the worst of all is the insomnia!

Before I was on the medication I began to suffer with really bad Insomnia, but the med's I was put on helped with that! Now that I'm off them, I'm really struggling to sleep at night!

The Insomnia I had before the tablets, was horrible, I used to lie there just thinking about the most horrible things, college, negative thoughts about myself, it wasn't fun!
Now I just lie there thinking about what I want to do next, with my channel and my blog, I even lie there rehearsing what I would even say in my videos!😂
It does get frustrating though, after like 3 hours I start to get irritated because I feel so tired, but I cant get comfortable and I cant sleep!

I tried so many natural remedies to help me sleep, lavender oil, having a bath before bed, turning off my phone, reading books and drinking herbal teas, but nothing seems to do the job! Have you an suggestions? leave me a comment if you do, I'm open to anything at this point!😂

On the bright side, I don't feel as numb as before, I noticed I am enjoying life more!

My emotional self is back too, but I was always like that growing up, if I seen someone do something nice for someone it used to make me feel so happy that I would nearly cry!😂
I recently watched a TV show about Dublin's general post office, it was recorded at Christmas time, seeing all the joy in people during that time of the year, and how people really helped each other made me so emotional! At that moment I was like wow I'm me again 😂 I know it sounds silly but that is me!

Although I am feeling myself again, I still have the anxiety and fear, but I understand that will never go away, I just need to learn to cope with it!

I really want to get a job, but I'm so scared.
When I was in college it was different, if I wasn't feeling good, I could go home when I wanted, or if I was having a really bad day I just wouldn't go in. If I got a job, these wouldn't really be an option for me and that scares me!
I keep trying to tell myself, there is more positives to getting a job than there are negatives, but its so hard to get it into my thick skull 😂

Iv been working on my YouTube channel, hoping it will help with my confidence, as it did before!
So far it is going well, obviously it is going to take time to build myself back up, but I'm trying to stay as productive and as positive as possible!

I was back at my Doctors the other day and I told her I was really struggling with my weight!
Since I started the medication last September I had put on 3 stone, it went on so quick that I have gotten deep, really red and sore stretch marks, I even got them in places I didn't even know you could!
She gave me a follow up appointment to come back and she is going to do a full weight check including my body fat percentage.....that will be fun!
I knew I put on weight, but I didn't think it was as bad as it is, until I done a fashion shoot the other day. I was actually in total shock!

I am determined to get myself back to the weight I used to be, I need to for my health and for my mind! I'm hoping that next year will be my year!
2017 will be my year, I need to make it my year!😂

I'm currently in bed with a throat infection! I must be seriously lacking in Vitamin C, considering I'm only over a really bad cold which I had 2 weeks ago!
Its killing me to be sick, I have serious lack in motivation!

I hope you are all having a great week and I hope you have an even better weekend!

Thank you for reading,

Love,

Tanya

x

 

Road To Recovery: A Shocking Search in the Airport!

Hey my loves!

So I've been home just over 2 weeks and never got round to finishing my holiday posts!
The past week and a half I've been working on getting content ready for both my blog and YouTube channel! I have a few exciting ideas for Halloween!! Just hope they work out as planned!

My trip home was nerve wrecking to say the least! Our bus collected us at the hotel 20mins before it was due, but that wasn't too bad, I hate waiting!

On the bus the driver turns to us and says we just have to go collect a few people. Last year we were the last to be collected and this year we were the first, so that threw me off a little bit. I thought we would just be on the bus for 30mins max, as you may know, I don't do buses!
The driver informed me it would only be an extra 30mins, so I just sat back and listened to music.

2 and a half hours later!!! We still weren't at the airport, at this point I was beginning to feel panic setting in, I had taken a Xanax but I still felt a bit panicky!
Eventually we got to the airport; we went straight to the security. Once my bag went through I walked through the bleepers, grand no problem there.....until!

I went to get my bag and a woman came over with gloves on, the dread washed over me, I'd say the blood ran from my face!
'Sorry mam is this your bag?' 'Eh yeah!', at that she started unzipping it, looked around my clothes and came to a plastic bag which had gifts for my friends. As soon as I realised what she was going for, the blood ran straight back into my face!!
Out she pulled 3 life like penis lollipops I bought for friends, she held them up for her colleagues to see and they burst out laughing, well so did I it was pretty funny, the look on her face when she seen them!
 She was nice about it and put them back and closed my bag, and let me leave!

Once we were through, we went to get food; we still had 2 hours to wait for our flight!
The time flew by pretty quickly and we boarded our flight.
The flight back was grand; I sat and watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle the movies.

I was so happy to be home, I had a great holiday and I'm definitely going to miss the heat! But there is definitely nothing like being home!

I'm happy I enjoyed myself this year, last year I was a bit numb and couldn't let myself have proper fun!

Thank you for reading,

Lots of Love,

Tanya

xx

Road To Recovery: Sun, Sand & Thunder Storms

Hello there!
I didn't get a chance to do daily updates on the holiday, I got really distracted by a book I was reading!

The holiday was great and we just relaxed most of the days. I didn't want to go on a holiday to explore everything, I just wanted a nice chilled week in the sun!
The heat was unreal, it went as high as 36 degrees, weirdly enough I could handle it, the humidity wasn't anything like it is in Ireland!

One evening myself and James went for a stroll on the beach. We thought it would be romantic to walk through the water and sand together and watch the sun go down. Lets just say it didn't quite turn out like we thought it would! The sand on the beach was just pebbles, and when we walked through the water I started to sink in the wet sand, it literally went up to my shins! James had to pull me out, then my flip flop came off and I was gripping it with 2 of my toes shouting 'me flip flop!!' I'd say anyone watching got one hell of a laugh!!
The 2 of us laughed the whole way back to the hotel, it was too funny!

The next day all three of us went to a cafe on the beach front, we got waffles, crepes and Kit-Kat Frappes.

We walked around the town looking in some of the gift shops to see what we could bring home for our families.
The rest of the week we spent at the pool and soaking up as much sun as we could get!

I read a book in 2 and a half days, 1st to Die by James Patterson, I just couldn't put it down!
I have finished 4 of his books from the 'NYPD Red' series and now I am starting the 'Women's murder club' series. If you are interested I will do a post reviewing his books!

We went for cocktails most nights, but some nights we sat in and had a movie night! It was funny, all three of us huddled around my 10" tablet screen!
We watched Skiptrace with Johnny Knoxville and Jackie Chan, it was actually pretty funny and then we watched the Purge Election Year, that was also really good

On our last night, there was a serious thunder storm, there was fork lightening and the thunder shook our room! The rain was so heavy and there was also hailstones, that sounded like rocks!
My sister was terrified, she never seen or heard a storm that bad before, but that is normal for Spain!
I love thunder storms, but I got really annoyed because I couldn't sleep with the noise and I had to be up at 8am!

The holiday was good and we really did need the break! The WIFI in the hotel was terrible, but then again I didn't want to be stuck with my face in my phone for the whole week.
It is going to be a long day travelling home, but I'm really looking forward to it, I cant wait to just get into a routine and get back to my diet and exercise!

Thank you for reading!

I hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

Love

Tanya

x

Road To Recovery: Too Much, Too Soon!

Hey Lovely!

I woke up so early this morning, I actually felt as if I was hung-over, just without the wild drinks the night before!
Breakfast is served early every morning; I just had a typical Irish style breakfast, bacon, beans and egg!

Although we were all tired from our travel, we didn't waste any time, we went straight into town after breakfast. We needed to pick up a few things for our room that we didn't bring with us. It was pretty handy as myself and James have been here before so we knew were everything was.
In the supermarket my sister was in shock because of the price of alcohol, it is so cheap over here, it is almost, if not more than half the price you would pay in Ireland!

After leaving the shopping back in the hotel, we went out to show my sister the town.
We found this cute little American Dounts and coffee bar, which we didn't see last year, we all got Frappes, talking about heavy!!
I got a coffee Frappe with caramel, but little did I know, they literally fill a third of the cup with caramel sauce and topped it off with bright green cream on top (insert sick emoji here :L).

After Lunch we went back to our room and I just read a book on the balcony and soaked up the sun!

Although the day wasn't even over I felt like we did so much, after an hour or 2 we headed up to the pool and went for a swim, well I just floated.
I really don't like going under the water, I would need goggles and a nose plug if I was going to try that :L.
I can swim and I love swimming, but it's only been recently that I just couldn't bring myself to go under water, god I am a strange one!

You think we would be wrecked by now, but no, we decided to go find a nice coffee shop, you know me; I need a good strong coffee! We found a really cute Italian restaurant and we sat out in the sun enjoying our coffees.

After dinner we went out to this cute little bar that does really nice cocktails, and again so cheap! I got a Blue Lagoon; it was so good and very refreshing!

 Later we sat out on the balcony with a few drinks and played Cards Against Humanity, I swear that game is just too funny, especially if you have a good sense of humor.

We all started to get tired, so we went to bed, it was well after midnight and we would need to be up before 10am tomorrow if we wanted breakfast!
Even though it was only our first day, we all felt like we were here for days, we just done so much!

We are planning on chilling at the pool for the day tomorrow, go swimming and do some sunbathing.

So far I'm already having a great time, last year I just couldn't relax,  mainly because I was so stressed with college and anxiety, I just wasn't able to let go and have fun!

Thank you for reading, and I hope where ever you are, you are all having a great day/night!

Love

Tanya

X

Road To Recovery: A Trip To Spain!

 

Hello there!

I cant remember if I mentioned this in a post before, but I booked a holiday to Spain with both my sister and my boyfriend, we are all really good friends and decided this year all 3 of us would go to Spain!
My sister has never been on a proper sun holiday before, so we thought this would be a great experience for her!

As you can imagine my anxiety was through the roof, no surprise there, ever since we booked the holiday I was sick to my stomach anytime I even talked or heard about the trip. At one point I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to go, I just wanted to cancel it!
 I didn't cancel, I just avoided even thinking about it, and next thing I knew it was 2 days before I had to go!

As per usual I left everything last minute, I more or less had clothes from my last holiday so I didn't need to spend money on new ones! Living in Ireland I wouldn't even get the chance to wear summer clothes, so I didn't see much point in wasting money!

2 days before we were set to leave I met 2 of my old friends while I was out for coffee with James, we got talking and they invited us out for drinks that night. oblivious to the fact I had planned on getting my waxing done that night, I said yes! Luckily it was my sister doing my waxing (she is trained) so she done it for me as soon as I got home, no rushing for appointments, thank god!

That evening I was so tired and was still trying to finish my packing, I really didn't want to go out and on top of everything my anxiety had already kicked in about my holiday.
I decided, feck it I'm going out, I think I just got to the point where I was sick of missing out on fun catch ups with my friends and making new memory's, so anxious or not I went and I had an amazing time.
We laughed so hard I felt it in my stomach and it felt great, really great! That's when I realised how much I missed socialising with people and having these spur of the moment nights out!

Walking home after our drinking session, I felt great and I actually felt pumped about going on the holiday, yeah I was a little tipsy, but I honestly felt excited and positive about the holiday and my anxiety was just washed away.
Seeing how alcohol can really make your anxiety disappear, I now know why people drink to take the pain away, but its not worth it! It is a short term fix and I am definitely not going to go down that road!

The next morning I woke up and honestly I was waiting for my anxiety to hit me like a brick wall, but weirdly enough it didn't! I got up, packed my bag, got everything I needed and had everything all set out for my flight the next day!

I was prescribed xanax for my travel anxiety, but I avoided using it at all costs, I wanted to try and keep it just for when it was really needed! I really don't want to have to rely on drugs to help me deal with life, l want to get back in control of my mind and body!
I went into boots the same day and bought roll on lavender oil, just to see if it would help with my nerves. Later that night I tried it out and it must have worked because I didn't have any anxiety that night, and usually I would be a mess and I wouldn't be able to sleep, and boy did I sleep like a baby!

As soon as I woke up the next morning I took half a xanax, just to stop the anxiety from getting the chance to start, because when I get anxious my stomach acts up so bad and the last think I needed was to be sitting on a plane with a dodgy stomach!

I got on with my day with no problems, I didn't have to be at the airport until 5 in the afternoon so I had time to get myself together! At 4 we went and collected James and headed to the airport.

At this point I started getting pretty anxious so I took a xanax, but then again I'm sure everyone gets nervous walking through those security bleepers, but thankfully I got through it quickly and without any hassle. Once I was in the airport I was grand, I had a look in some of the shops and picked up a few bits for my trip. We then went into 1 of the bars and got food.

Waiting at the gate I got a bit nervous, mainly because they changed our gate last minute so we had to run to another. Once i got seated on the plane I was a bit more calm, strangely enough I get very excited when the plane takes off, and lands!
During the flight I watched Transformers on my tablet, YAY for technology!

The flight seemed pretty short because I was so preoccupied with my movie, but when they announced they were landing, it felt like ages!

To get to the hotel we had to get a bus, I hate buses, by this time my anxiety was starting, so I had to take half a tablet just so I wouldn't freak out on the bus!

I was glad to make it to the hotel, it was almost midnight when we arrived and all 3 of us were starving. We checked in and left our bags in the room, we went straight out hoping to find somewhere that was open and was still serving food, luckily we found a little bar near our hotel. The food was amazing, don't know if that was just because we were starving. I just got crispy chicken and chips, so adventurous right? :L

As you can tell from this post the hotel has WIFI, not amazing but its there.  While I am here I will be posting daily (hopefully), just letting you know what I'm getting up to and how my anxiety is treating me, while I am away from my comfort zone!
I will also add photos, if I can get them on my tablet, blog posts are always more interesting with photos!

I hope you enjoyed this post, it was a bit of a long one!
I'm just chilling on the balcony of my hotel and thought this would be the perfect time to do a post!

I hope you are all have a great day!

Love

Tanya

X

Road To Recovery: Update!

Hey there!

God it feels like a long time since I last updated my blog, and lets be honest it has been!

As I had mentioned before, I was given an extension from college, which meant they gave me the summer to complete my work, due to my anxiety disorder.

I have literally spent the last 2 months working everyday, trying to get my work done. No matter how much time and effort I put into it I just didn't feel like I was getting anywhere.
The last 2 weeks before my assigned date were the most stressful, I began having extreme anxiety, thinking I wasn't going to have everything done!

I worked so hard all year round while struggling with my mental health and all I kept thinking was 'I'm going to fail', 'I'm not going to have anything done'.
As the time drew closer I got worse, 2 days before my work was due to go in I started getting severe panic and I couldn't focus on anything I had to do. I was all over the place, I didn't know what to work on next, it was a disaster!

I stayed up all night 2 nights before my exam, worse mistake ever! From the lack of sleep I was even more emotional, I kept crying, having panic attacks and all I wanted to do was give up! Nothing was going right for me!
The night before I was due to go I still wasn't done, I left half of my notebooks and portfolio empty and I was so disappointed because I wanted to make it the best it could be but time just want on my side, eventually I just gave up and went to bed.

For my exam I had to give a presentation of my work and I never even had time to come up with what I was going to say!
When I got to the college I set up my work and then the tutors came in for my presentation, I started to talk and I couldn't think straight, I kept jumping from one thing to another, it was all so confusing and messy! I'm usually pretty good with giving presentations but this past year a lot of things have changed with me!

At the end of the presentation the tutors began to ask me some questions based on my work, one of then was 'where do you see your work?' and that was enough to send me over the edge, and I broke down crying!
I was mortified, 4 people standing in front of me watching me cry like a baby!

The reason I cried was because I hated my collection, my honest answer to her question would of been 'I see it in a bin' but I didn't say that, luckily.
I decided to be honest, I told them I wasn't happy with my collection, I felt no connection to it. I was disappoint with it because I know deep down I can do so much better, I have the skill and the ability to do so much more but unfortunately I didn't get to show what I truly can do!

It was a tough year and trying to be creative while you are so numb and so unhappy can be hard, but for some artists it works, they channel it into creating amazing work, but it just doesn't work for me!

At the end of the day it is done and dusting, nothing can be done now to change it! All I can do now is hope and pray that I get my degree, I really don't want all my hard work and struggles to have been for nothing!

Well that was deep :L, on a brighter note, I'm now free and ready to start the next chapter in my life! Hopefully it will be a little less stressful!

I have decided to start doing my updates on my road to recovery again, because I'm not quite there yet!
I may not be able to do daily updates, but I will update as often as I can.
I also won't be putting days on the heading anymore, it just gets a little to messy, especially when I don't update everyday :L

That is pretty much it for now, I will have more posts coming soon now that I am done with college!
I am so excited for fall!! I have so many ideas planned for posts and videos, so stay tuned to see what I have in store ;)

Thank you for reading and I hope you are all doing well!!

Love,

Tanya

x

Road To Recovery Day 42-48: Filming & Friends

 

God was I busy this week!

Ive been struggling to keep my blog up to date this week, mainly due to the fact Ive been working on some videos and college work.

The week wasn't very eventful, the first half of the week I filmed some videos for my channel and spent a few days editing them.

During the week I met up with my friend Emma, we went into town for coffee and some charity shop hunting!

Charity shopping used to be a regular thing for me and Emma, we would go hunting several days a week!

We have both been very busy the past few years so we don't get to do it often, but it was great to have a catch up!  

The rest of the week I worked on my college work, I still feel like I'm not getting anywhere with it. I am starting to get worried as time is passing and quickly!

My anxiety was grand this week, I haven't had any triggers so everything has been grand!

I also haven't had anymore headaches this week, obviously my body must be used to the lower dose now. I'll be dropping to a lower dose at the beginning of August.

I've been trying my best to eat good this week, it has been difficult because iv been working and I always forget to eat or else I just eat convenience food, chocolate!

The next few weeks may also be quite on here, I will be working on my college work all day, everyday!

I will do a weekly update for the next few weeks, it just won't be daily.

I'm planning on filming this weekend, if I get it all edited I'll have them up during the week!

Apologises again for the lack of posts this week!

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx

Road To Recovery Day 41: I'm Going To Belfast!

 

I woke up early this morning, mostly because James kept shoving and calling me! When I eventually woke up, we lay in bed and watched 50 First Dates, oldie but a goodie!

I was getting ready to go home, when James asked me if I wanted to go to Belfast at the end of the month. I could feel my anxiety welling up a little bit at the thought of traveling for close to 2 hours!

I love Belfast and I really wanted to go back, so I knew what I had to do!

I told him to book it quickly, before I started thinking of reasons and excuses for not going! And so he did, we are going for 2 nights at the end of the month!

I'm actually surprised at how excited I am! For the first time in a very long time I'm actually excited to be going on a little adventure!

I went out for a coffee with dad when he collected me, and he was even surprised at how excited and happy I was!

We bought my mam some plants because she is obsessed with her garden, I know, very random!

I needed to go to the big Tesco's to get some yogurts, which they didn't have in town yesterday. As I said before going into this Tesco, is dangerous, I always come out with way more stuff than I originatly went in for!

I came out with a full bag of shopping, I told you dangerous!!

At home, I was planning of filming a video for my channel, but I got distracted by my Playstation, again

I played that for an hour and then got bored!

I then went up to my room and started this blog post, I want to get some ready to be posted over the week because I will be working everyday again, yuck!

If you have any ideas for some posts you would like to see, leave me a comment :)

Today was good, I'm still smiling over the fact I'm going to Belfast!

I think I'm going to v-log it for my channel!

I'd say we will be shopping and we might go to the tattoo convention, which is on at the Titanic Quarter!

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx

Road To Recovery Day 40: A Rant Over Fruit!

We are so lazy! 

We woke up at 1:30pm; then again we did stay up until 4am!

I didn't waste any time, I put on a quick face, got dressed in another cute outfit (seriously loving this feeling of wanting to dress up) and headed straight into town!

I know what you're thinking, does this girl ever do anything else other than go into town everyday? and the answer is No ha ha. 

I hate being stuck inside, I really do. I love to get out no matter the weather!

Unfortunately there is nothing to do in this town, that's what we always go for a coffee!

Yes you guessed it, we went for a coffee first, I got an iced mocha this time because it was actually warm out today! 

I bought a fruit bowl because I hadn't had breakfast yet and I thought that would be better for me than a scone!

I had to exchange a pair of shoes for a smaller size, seriously no joke, my feet are shrinking!

In Primark, I ended up buying another pair of the same shoes just in a different colour, I liked them that much! And they were on sale, win win!

James was hungry so we went to Subway for a sandwich, I LOVE the veggie patty, so good! 

We went to M&S to get some food for tonight, because we are staying in his house.

I ended up having a rant in the middle of the store, I couldn't believe how expensive it was for fruit, all I wanted to do was be healthy, but it costs me more than being unhealthy!

James thought it was the funniest thing, I just gave out about the government, they are always talking about obesity and how people should eat healthy!

They charge €4 for a small fruit salad, seriously! 

They wonder why people don't eat healthy, who is going to pay €4 for a small fruit salad, why you can have a whole bag of donuts for less than €2, it just doesn't make sense!

If they really wanted people to be healthy they should make healthy options cheaper, and charge a bomb for a bar of chocolate! 

That would definitely stop me from buying sweets!

Rant over, moving on

Later we went to James house, we sat with his family for a while before they went out for the evening.

We sat down and watched Netflix, well James did, I sat doing some blog work.

That was pretty much our night, I definitely need a night out with a big group of friends, I miss partying!

I had a great day today, I felt amazing and had no anxiety! 

I'm still getting the headaches, but they aren't too bad!

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx

Road To Recovery Day 39: Shopping & A Good Cry!

I sat down to do some work today, and I just couldn't focus, it was just one of those days. I decided to put everything away because there wasn't much point working when I wasn't putting 100% into it.

I decided to pamper myself instead, I had a bath and washed my hair.

I done a full face of make up and put on a really cute outfit, I was just feeling in the mood to get really dressed up!

It is late night shopping tonight, so myself and James are heading into town. 

We went for a coffee first, as usual!

I bought a few beauty and clothing items which I will be posting about soon!

I found some great bargains though, I got myself two pairs of shoes for €10, not bad for a days work! 

We went and done some food shopping because I'm still on my healthy buzz and I didn't want to get a take away. I got frustrated because I couldn't decide what I wanted so we ended up just buying random things!

After a while walking around my feet started to blister because I was wearing new shoes, It got so bad I had to get my dad to collect me because I couldn't walk, ha ha.

Back at mine, we ended up ordering a Chinese, I know, bye bye healthy buzz!

Well I have been good all week so it isn't going to kill me, I shared mine with my sister, just so I wouldn't over eat!

We couldn't find anything to watch on Netflix, but I found a cool mock- documentary about bullying!

It was about a young girl who was bullied in school and she tried to commit suicide. The whole movie was based around a documentary being filmed at the school during the time she tried to commit suicide. It's hard to explain, but it is definitely a must watch!! 

It is called A Girl Like Her.

At the end of the movie I ended up crying my eyes out, it was so intense and so real! This stuff happens all the time, and people don't realise how bad it can be. This documentary is definitely an eye opener! 

I think the reason I cried was because I was in her shoes, I was bullied for years by fellow students and even teachers! 

Myself and James talked for hours after it about my experiences, and he was shocked because he didn't realise how bad it was!

Moving on, I bought a new face cleanser and I had been dying to try it all day!

Before bed I tried it out and it was AMAZING! I don't want to give too much away because I'm going to do a review on it pretty soon!

I had great fun today, shopping is always fun!

Although I had a great cry after the movie, it was good to get it out, holding things in like that is NOT good trust me, I have learnt the heard way!

There is only so much your body can take! 

So remember that the next time you are holding in a well needed cry!

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx

Road To Recovery Day 36 - 38: Quick Catch Up

Over these 3 days I didn't actually do much to be honest. 

I've been working on my notebooks everyday for most of the day, so I don't really have anything to update on.

I continued watching Scream while I was working and I managed to finish all the episodes again.

One evening 2 of my friends called and we basically sat and talked about our theory's on who the killer is in the latest episodes of Scream. I love when we do this, even though most of the time we are wrong ha ha. 

Iv been taken my reduced dose of my medication for 4 days now, and I have noticed a few side effects. I have been having minor headaches mostly in the evenings, but this is to be expected.

I did feel anxious one of the days, but I'm trying not think negatively about it, because I really don't want to have to stay on these tablets. 

I just want to have a clear head!

I've been going to bed early, I sit in bed and read a book before going to sleep and it has been helping me to sleep better. I'm not twisting and turning like I usually would.

I apologise again for missing the updates this week, I did try to get some blogging in while I was doing work, but I just didn't have enough time.

I have also been eating better this week, I've cut out a lot of the sweets I was eating. I've been eating more fruit and veg, and most importantly, Ive been eating more regularly!

I have noticed my hernia getting more sore and uncomfortable, which means I really do need to get my weight down so it won't trouble me as much.

Next week I have to continue more work, but I will try to plan my time a bit better and do some blog post too.

Thank you for reading,

Love,

Tanya

xxx

Road To Recovery Day 35: Work & A Catch Up

 

I have a lot of stuff to get done today, I got up early and had my usual breakfast. 

As soon as I was done I sat down at my desk and started my work for the day.

I love working when there is something on in the background, so I put on the first season of Scream. 

At lunch time I took a break and had something to eat, I'm terrible for forgetting to eat! I set an alarm to remind myself to take a break to have some food. 

I went back to work as soon as I was done.

Around 4pm I headed into town to run some errands, I went into Starbucks on my way home and bought their new Iced Tea!

It was actually amazing, you should all try the Blackberry Mojito, it is actually so good and very refreshing!

As soon as I walked in my front door, my cousin was standing in my kitchen, the first thing he said "Do you want to go for a coffee?", I say I looked like the stressed out emoji face!

It has been a long time since I'd seen him so I went back into town to get a coffee. We went to my favourite coffee house and stayed there for about an hour, we had a great catch up.

Back at mine we both sat down and played Call of Duty online, it was actually great fun, we haven't played online together in about a year!

When he went home he went back online and we continued our game.

I decided to go to bed early, I need to get up early tomorrow to do more work. I didn't get as much done today as I was hoping.

I turned off my phone, laid down and read my book!

After an hour I could barley keep my eyes open so I went straight to sleep.

It was a great day, I enjoyed catching up with my cousin and playing Call of Duty.

I can't wait until I am completely finished this work, so I can really enjoy my free time!

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx

Road To Recovery Day 34: Yahoooo!

Today is the big day, I have my doctor's appointment soon and I'm hoping I will be allowed to reduce the dose of my Anti-Anxiety medication.

I put on my walking runners and my tracksuit. The walk to the Doctors isn't far but it is all up hill, it will be a good work out!

The weather is pretty overcast today, but it hasn't rained, yet! The walk took me about 10 min's, which was pretty good timing!

When I went in, I explained to my doctor that I felt ready to get off the medication. I explained that I wanted to try over coming it on my own!

At first she was a bit hesitant, but after a little chat she said she could see I was ready!

I'm not stopping them straight away, I have to ween myself off them over the next 2-3 months, depending on my reaction.

I also showed her my gum and she said it wasn't infected and that it will go away on its own! phew!

I walked home with a huge smile on my face, it started to rain and I didn't care, my good mood was at 100% and nothing could ruin it.

James finished work early, so I headed into town to meet him.

I had to go get photographs printed for my Collection Look-book and I needed to get my new prescription. 

After our coffee, I ended up buying a new subscription for my playstation account, I honestly just really wanted to play Call of Duty!

After we got everything we needed, we headed back to mine for dinner, mam cooked up a lovely curry. Again I'm not one for spicy food because of my stomach, but it was worth it!

I played the PS4 for a little while before dropping James home and then I chilled and watched the Kardashians.

It was a good episode and hearing Kylie and her sisters talking about their anxiety was interesting. On their social media they come across as happy and out going, but behind it all they too suffer with anxiety at times!

Today was definitely a good day! 

Tomorrow I have to start some design work, so it will be a busy day for me, but if I get time I will photograph some of my work to share with you all! I am hoping to have a post up soon with my Collection Look-book, so stay tuned for that!

Tonight the laptop is being shut off early and I'm going to read a book and try go get an early nights sleep! Hopefully I will also be able to wake up early in the morning, fingers crossed!

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx

Road To Recover Day 33: Typical Sunday

I used to hate waking up on a Sunday morning, all that used to rush into my head was, you have to get your work done, you have college tomorrow!

Now when I wake up on a Sunday it feels great to not have those thoughts racing around my head!

I slept in again, no surprise there! My dad collected me from James house around 2pm, so when I got home I got ready, had some food and then headed out with my family.

I had to go to boots to get Medi Gel because my gum is still killing me, I really hope I don't have to go the dentist! 

We done some shopping in Marks & Spenser's and then went for our usual coffee.

Sundays are usually a pretty lazy day for me, I usually just chill, watch a movie or play a game.

When I got home I sat down to play Call of Duty online. I got a notification saying my subscription was up, so I couldn't go online.

I decided to work of my blog instead, so I sat for the rest of the day just editing posts and planning some new ones.

I got into bed early and watched some YouTube videos, I tried to go to sleep early, but I got far too distracted and ended up not getting to sleep until half 1 in the morning.

I have to be up early because I have to go to the Doctors. I'm hoping she will allow me to start reducing my medication! Fingers crossed!

This was a pretty quick update, but hopefully I will have good new to share tomorrow!

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx

Road To Recovery Day 32: A Day In Town

I was up until 4am last night, so as you can imagine I woke up very late today!

As in 2pm, yuck!

As soon as I got up, I had to alter an outfit for a friend, so I got that done first and then had breakfast.

While I was getting ready, Dani arrived at my house, I got dressed as quick as I could and then we all headed into town for the day.

The first stop was coffee, of course! 

We sat on the rooftop terrace because the weather was nice, that only lasted 5 minutes. We were sitting having a great chat about our channels and blogs and then the rain started, it was torrential!

Even though there was a roof over us we could still feel the rain hitting us, we ended up moving back inside where it was warm and dry!

After about 20 mins the rain stopped and we headed off into Penny's. Dani wanted to try get a diary and we thought Penny's might have some, but they didn't unfortunately. I ended up buying the new skin glow serum, I wouldn't be pushed on Penny's skin care but I'm open minded and decided to give it a try.

We headed to Boots, I needed to return the foundation's I bought the other day, they were far too dark for my skin tone.

I replaced them with 3 of the Bourjois foundations. Which I am planning to do a review on. 

Before heading home we went to Dealz, Dani still hadn't found a diary and we knew Dealz would have some.

We both bought diaries, and for €1.50 you can't go wrong! We both have an obsession with stationary!

We chilled in my house for a little while longer before Dani had to head home.

I decided to stay in James house tonight for a change. We had planned to start watching Game of Thrones, I've never seen it before and everyone keeps telling me to start!

I packed my laptop and notebooks, because I wanted to get a new blog post up (my pink lipstick collection).

We ended up not watching Game of Thrones, I worked on my blog for most of the evening and then we just watched TV and Family Guy.

It was great seeing Dani again, we are going to organise another day out soon.

Today was another great day, just being with friends and working on my blog!

It is the little things in life that do make a difference!

Thank you for reading.

Love,

Tanya

xxx